About Me
My Passion
I'm a vocal advocate for 1st responder mental health using my lived
experience with PTSD and Depression to help educate others by
telling the story of my mental health journey through talks,
presentations and published writings.
My story includes a deeply personal account of my mental health
journey detailing the milestones, mistakes, lessons learned and keys
to my success as well as what YOU need to know about PTSD/Depression
and its symptoms.
My personal experience with mental health, long time commitment to
the fire service and networking with other 1st responders has given
me a unique perspective on mental health and its place within the
1st responder community.
The Job
I'm also a firefighter with 27 years of service and currently
holding the rank of Acting Platoon Chief for a mid-sized Fire
Department in Ontario, Canada.
The various roles and ranks I've held throughout my career include
volunteer firefighter, dispatcher, career firefighter, Acting
Captain, Captain, Acting Platoon Chief as well as holding positions
on the Health and Safety Committee, Association Executive and
Association President.
Resume
During my mental health journey I've had the opportunity to speak
to different fire departments, attend various training courses,
conferences, webinars and provide ideas, feedback and opinions to
several different 1st responder mental health projects.
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2020-09-17 (2 days - scheduled)
Peer Support Training
Peer support training that strictly adheres to the
training objectives provided by the "Guidelines for the
Practice and Training of Peer Support" published by the
Mental Health Commission of Canada.
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2020-10-06 (scheduled)
Invisible Wounds Conference for 1st Responders
In addition to increasing awareness of how to build
resiliency skills to help deal with occupational stress
injuries, this conference assists First Responders
interested in learning about and addressing relationships
issues, anger, and mental health challenges, including,
but not limited to, hypervigilance, anxiety, panic
attacks, depression, PTSI, and PTSD.
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2020-04-27 (2 evenings - postponed)
Clearview Fire Speaking Event
Talk and presentation to the department firefighters and
senior officers about my mental health journey including
the milestones achieved, the mistakes made, lessons
learned and PTSD/Depression symptoms as they manifested
within me.
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2020-02-20 (2 days)
Mental Health First Aid Course
MHFA Basic is a course intended for adults interacting
with adults (18 years and older). This courses focused on
the four most common mental health disorders including
substance related, mood related, anxiety and trauma
related, and psychotic disorders. Participants who took
this course are well prepared to interact confidently
about mental health with their family, friends,
communities, and workplaces
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2020-01-22
Gravenhurst Fire Speaking Event
Talk and presentation to the department firefighters and
senior officers about my mental health journey including
the milestones achieved, the mistakes made, lessons
learned and PTSD/Depression symptoms as they manifested
within me.
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2020-01-14
Interview For Input/Feedback
Provided input and feedback for the development of a
national peer-to-peer support app for 1st responders being
developed by Defence Research and Development Canada in
conjunction with the Canadian Institute For Public Safety
Research and Treatment and RCMP.
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2019-12-18
Webinar - How To Safely Communicate About Suicide
Words Matter: How to Safely Communicate About Suicide
presented by the National Action Alliance For Suicide
Prevention.
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2019-10-09
Invisible Wounds Conference for 1st Responders
In addition to increasing awareness of how to build
resiliency skills to help deal with occupational stress
injuries, this conference assisted First Responders
interested in learning about and addressing relationships
issues, anger, and mental health challenges, including,
but not limited to, hypervigilance, anxiety, panic
attacks, depression, PTSI, and PTSD.
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2019-07-25, 2019-10-30
Focus Group Participant
Focus Group for the development of a mental health app
for 1st responders run by McMaster University's Faculty of
Health Sciences and funded by the Canadian Institutes of
Health Research.
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Personal Quotes
Throughout this journey I've had many opportunities to discuss with
other 1st responders various topics and issues relating to mental
health in the greater 1st responder community. I've made notable
comments and taken positions on some of these issues.
Impact of Pandemic On 1st Responder Mental Health
"While I can't speak on behalf of all 1st responders, I
can tell you we all share a couple of common traits, we
are all "mission specific" and we all "put the needs of
others ahead of our own needs". As a firefighter I can
honestly say that I am willing to risk my life in
situations that are marginally in my favour if it means
being able to make a difference in somebody's life. "
"What that means is that in extremely difficult
situations that do impact us (1st responders), be it a
traumatic emergency incident or continual and repeated
exposure to human suffering and death, that almost every
1st responder will bury the emotions and feelings not as a
coping mechanism but to be able to actually do the job and
satisfy that "mission". As a 1st responder there is no way
that I would be able to do my job and do it well as
society expects me to do it, if I actually allowed myself
to feel the emotions and feelings that those we are
serving actually felt. Can you imagine being a 1st
responder having to do CPR on an infant AND feeling the
emotions that the parents are feeling. We wouldn't be able
to do the job expected of us. Where the problem arises is
that for many 1st responders those emotions and feelings
stay buried and are never properly processed and dealt
with hence the increased rates of PTSD/Depression/Anxiety
in 1st responders."
"So how does all this relate to the current COVID-19
pandemic and 1st responders. They will continue to
heroically do their jobs, to focus on the "mission" and to
"put the needs of others ahead of their own needs" and for
some, they will pay a mental health price for it later
down the road. The one thing that will help all 1st
responders is that the significant stress of working
through a pandemic is not an isolated incident or an
individual incident that one or a few 1st responders is
experiencing but an incident that ALL 1st responders are
experiencing. While each individuals response to a
stressful event is unique to them, there is some truth to
the phrase that "there is strength in numbers" and I
suspect that many 1st responders will draw on that
collective strength to help them through these challenging
times."
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1st Responder Suicides
“And yet another......... I've said it before and will
say it again.....So long as we, as a society, as emergency
services organizations keep doing what we're doing, it's
my opinion that 1st responder deaths by suicide will
continue. The definition of insanity is doing the same
thing over and over expecting a different outcome. We
continually say “we are here for you, you are not alone,
just reach out” but those who choose suicide didn’t reach
out. Many of the sufferers I have networked with have also
said they didn’t reach out. I didn't reach out. Regardless
of whether it was because of stigma or something else, the
point is they didn’t reach out. Instead of standing on the
shore watching someone drown in a pond of water and saying
to them “we are here for you, you are not alone, just
reach out” perhaps its time that we proactively reach in.
As rescuers we eventually go into that water to make the
rescue. Why do we not do the same thing when someone is
drowning from PTSD/Depression/Anxiety?? I ask a very
simple question......so just how is what we are currently
doing working ....it's not!!”
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1st Responder Mindset
“As a 1st responder, you can't walk through water and not
get wet, you can't walk through a sewer and not come out
smelling like shit and you can't go through a career as a
1st responder doing the things that we do, seeing the
things that we see and experiencing the things that we
experience and not be affected in some way. There is no
shame in that. The problem is the 1st responder mindset is
challenged to genuinely accept that because it is never
about us, its always about them, the members of our
communities that we have sworn to protect and sacrifice
ourselves for.”
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Expert Panels
“Experts.......nothing like lived experience to make one
an expert. No disrespect to the well intentioned educated
"experts" but unless you have ridden a police car, fire
truck, ambulance, military vehicle or secured societies
most hardened criminals all you are is book smart. It goes
back to the old cliche...unless you have walked in my
boots you will never truly understand. When it comes to
mental health lived experience means everything !!”
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Leadership On Mental Health
"I agree there is a fundamental change underway
surrounding mental health as more people speak up and
speak out and the more 1st responder suicides come to the
forefront of media attention but I don't see a
corresponding fundamental change at the top where
leadership on this issue truly matters. There are other
influencing factors that are roadblocks to people at the
top evolving from just being administrators to being
actual leaders. There is the odd one but the change that
is happening from the bottom up is occurring much faster
then the change from the top down”
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The "Just Reach Out" Phrase We Always Hear
“I would add that getting our respective organizations to
accept and therefore acknowledge without the typical
platitudes things like...
1) yes 1st responder suicides is a crisis and are as
equally an organizational priority as physical injuries
are
2) the shear number of 1st responder suicides makes it an
organizations problem not an individuals problem
3) sanctuary trauma does exist and does have an impact on
an OSI sufferer and in many cases only makes the issues
worse
4) because IT IS an organizational problem, when you say
"just reach out" you are putting the onus on the
individual for the solution to an organizational problem
and not on the organization where it belongs (see #2)
5) because it is an organizational problem a proactive
approach by the organization is required”
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My Writings
Some of my writings have been published on several different mental
health and publishing websites including:
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(publishing date tbd)
Submitted essay for consideration for inclusion in the
non-fiction anthology titled "Not Cancelled" by
Wintertickle Press.
ESSAY
2020 started out just like 2019 did for me, full of anger
with everybody and everything and with a collection of
negative beliefs about everybody, everything, society, and
more specifically, the moral character of the collective
society I am part of. You see I’m battling PTSD. Along
with the many symptoms that come along with PTSD like the
aforementioned anger, also come many cognitive distortions
and distorted beliefs about others and society.....
Article
As Published (Contained within Kobo e-Book "Not
Cancelled")
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2020-09-01 (publishing date)
The i'Mpossible Project
Provided content to be included in this upcoming release.
Story provided is titled "To the Brink and Back With My
Good Friend Ego"
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2020-06-21 (publishing date)
Putting The Hero On Ice
Provided content for this new book by retired Simcoe
County Paramedic Natalie Harris she details various stages
of PTSD Recovery, with anecdotal experiences provided for
inclusion within the book.
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2020-05-02
I, like so many 1st responders have been burdened, or
gifted depending on your perspective, with PTSD and
depression from a career of firefighting. I have been
challenged to navigate this whole PTSD recovery process
and have had some success. There are still many areas and
aspects that I need to work on and address but I am moving
forward which is always a good thing. While I’m not where
I want to be, nor where I need to be I’m sure glad I’m not
where I was.
Article
As Published (Medium)
Article
As Published (Vocal.Media)
Article
As Published (The Mighty)
Article
As Published (sicknotweak.com)
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2020-04-08
PTSD is a mental health challenge that plagues many 1st
responders and I was no different. 27 years of
firefighting had left me battling it and depression
burdening me with many of the common problematic symptoms
that tend to come along with PTSD. There were intrusive
symptoms, avoidance symptoms, alterations in cognition and
mood and arousal and reactivity type symptoms.
Article
As Published (Medium)
Article
As Published (VOCAL.MEDIA)
Article
As Published (The Mighty)
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2020-03-31
1. Some of the negative consequences of having PTSD are
proving to be quite beneficial during this pandemic. Who
knew that having PTSD was a good thing?
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2020-03-15
Therapy for PTSD isn’t just about dealing with traumatic
memories but also fixing the person that has been changed
emotionally and cognitively by the exposure to traumatic
experiences. To do this requires one to actively engage in
self-reflection, a difficult and many times extremely
painful exercise.
Article
As Published (thought Catalog)
Article
As Published (Medium)
Article
As Published (sicknotweak.com)
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2020-03-12
So my first visit with my psychotherapist, how did it go?
It was amazing! I was early, very early, as I always am. I
sat in the waiting room looking around at all the signs,
posters and books dealing with trauma, PTSD, support
systems and the like. In that 20 minutes while I sat there
(yes I was that early), the gravity of why I was actually
there set in and manifested itself as what I call an
"almost".
Article
As Published (yourlifeskill.com)
Article
As Published (sicknotweak.com)
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2020-03-12
The death of my mother and how it impacted me, wow, where
do I start except at the beginning. My childhood, actually
my teenage years, was no different then anybody else’s
growing up in the time period of the late 70’s and early
80’s or at least I thought was no different, but then
again, I was 15 years old, what did I really know.
This article was written by request
and utilized in a grief education program for 1st
responders
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2020-03-04
Stockholm Syndrome — that condition that causes hostages
to develop a psychological alliance with their captors
during captivity. I believe I have developed the mental
health equivalent with my captor, PTSD/Major Depressive
Disorder (MDD).
Article
As Published (sicknotweak.com)
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2020-02-14
In 2019 I started therapy at a clinic for my
occupationally caused PTSD and Depression. This clinic is
situated in an old renovated century home turned place of
healing and surrounded by beautiful gardens, a tall hedge
row on the north side, a beautiful scenic pond area and a
large maze like collection of rocks, stones and wood
chips.
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2020-01-31
What’s it like using EMDR in a therapy session to deal
with a problematic incident? My therapy session starts
like every other previous therapy session, with idle chat
with my therapist about how my previous week was.
Article
As Published (yourlifeskill.com)
Article
As Published (thoughtcatalog.com)
Article
As Published (vocal.media)
Article
As Published (Medium)
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2020-01-31
Early in February 2019 I knew something wasn’t quite
right with me. The continual arguments with my wife, the
emotional outbursts, unexpected crying and anger, anger
with everybody and everything lead me to the conclusion
that I needed help. I reached out for it and started
weekly therapy for what was likely PTSD. Stigma, “screw
the stigma” I thought, so I went public with my PTSD
battles.
Article
As Published (yourlifeskill.com)
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2019-12-18
Living with PTSD and major depressive disorder, I was
shocked to learn, and unfortunately experience on a daily
basis, just how numb my emotions and feelings have become.
Article
As Published (sicknotweak.com)
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2019-11-06
The sound of that very word strikes anger in many of us
burdened with mental health challenges. It also,
unfortunately, strikes fear in many others and is one of
the more significant factors in stopping many with mental
health challenges in actually reaching out for help.
Article
As Published (sicknotweak.com)
Article
As Published (vocal.media)
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2019-10-06
1. Your therapist doesn’t fix you. Your therapist is
there to help you fix yourself!
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2019-08-28
1. PTSD IS NOT a mental disorder, it is a brain injury
with physical changes occurring to various parts of the
brain like the amygdala, hippocampus and pre-frontal
cortex because of exposure to traumatic experiences
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My Artwork
Door Control
During my first emotional flashback I really had no clue what
was happening and why I was unexpectedly overwhelmed with
emotions. Being in a public place at the time, I slammed the
proverbial door closed on those emotions.
Firefighter Jenga
This was created to try to explain how I felt my life was like
in the very early days (acute phase) of my PTSD/Depression.
Every day felt like my entire world was going to come crumbling
down at any moment.
Make The Rescue
We hear it all the time "We are here for you, you are not
alone, just reach out". The sad reality for many 1st responders
battling PTSD/Depression and suicidal thoughts is they don't
reach out for any number of reasons. Instead of standing on the
shore watching someone drown in a pond of water and saying "we
are here for you, you are not alone, just reach out" perhaps
it's time that we proactively "reach in". As rescuers we
eventually go into that water and make the rescue. Why do we not
do the same thing when a 1st responder is drowning from
PTSD/Depression/Suicidal Thoughts? Make the rescue !
Not All Will
This piece of art was inspired by a conversation with a friend
about those who don't reach out and die by suicide. As a 1st
responder, as a human, I have an extremely difficult time
accepting that there are some we won't be able to save because
they are lost and aren't willing to not be lost.
The Mask We Wear: I'm Fine
This was created to highlight the fact that many with mental
health challenges wear a "mask" that hides their true feelings
from sight. Who knew Robin Williams was depressed?
Not All Wounds Are Visible
Self Explanatory - not all wounds, especially mental health
injuries, are visible.
Trust Me
At some point for many battling PTSD/Depression, those inner
"demons" sometimes lie to you.
It's A Team Sport
You can't fix your PTSD/Depression by yourself and it
doesn't fix itself. You need help to conquer it!
Front Lines
For the last 27 years I have always been on the front lines
willing to risk my life in situations that were marginally in my
favour for something bigger then myself and yet the battle with
PTSD/Depression forces me to sit on the sidelines and watch.
This is a reality that many 1st responders battling mental
health challenges have a hard time accepting.
The PTSD Puzzle
Whether you're trying to completely build that picture of
understanding of your triggers and symptoms, or your
understanding of the recovery and therapy process or using the
therapy process to rebuild that picture of yourself prior to
your injury, the PTSD battle is definitely a puzzle and
puzzling.
Because You Can't Fix It Yourself
For many 1st responders we see ourselves as the problem solvers
of society. We have an incredibly difficult time accepting that
in most cases we can't fix ourselves.
The Elephant In The Room
Sanctuary Trauma occurs when an individual who suffered a
severe stressor next encounters what was expected to be a
supportive and protective environment and discovers only more
trauma.... It seems to be so prevalent in all of the emergency
services and yet attempts to discuss it are usually met with
silence or denial of it's existence. It truly is the elephant in
the room.
Vertical Ventilation: Release The Bad Shit
For way too many 1st responders including myself, we bury the
emotions we feel from the traumatic incidents we have responded
to over the years. Eventually, unless they are properly dealt
with, they come back to haunt you in unexpected ways.
Useful Books & Apps
Throughout this journey I've read a ton of books to learn
everything I could about PTSD and utilized a handful of useful apps
to help me manage day to day.
Useful Books
Useful Apps
Safety Plan
(SUICIDAL IDEATION) This app is used as a goto resource when
feeling extremely overwhelmed and suicidal ideation thoughts
come to the forefront.
iMoodJournal
(MOOD TRACKING) This app is used to randomly prompt me
throughout the day to log my current mood and is used to analyze
my mood through the day, week, month and year allowing me to
spots trends and see what influences my mood.
MindJogger
(DAILY AFFIRMATIONS) This app is used to randomly prompt you
throughout the day with pre-determined mesages. I use this app
to remind me of my daily affirmations at random times and
multiple times throughout the day.
Due
(SHORT TERM MEMORY ISSUES) This app is used to show reminders
with the ability to pause and snooze the reminders for specific
time intervals. It also has an Apple Watch app that allows you
to create reminders using your voice. This is great when your
short term memory is really bad.
Thought Diary
(CBT THERAPY) This app allows you to create a Cognitive
Behavioural Therapy (CBT) thought record. Very useful when
trying to analyze negative thoughts and determine which
cognitive distortion was at play. This app also hase a
corrosponding Apple Watch app.
Unleash.me
(MOOD TRACKING) This app was used to track my emotions and
feelings (has since been replaced with iMoodJournal). It also
comes with an Apple Watch app.
Day One
(JOURNALLING) This app was used as my journalling app because
it allowed for multiple journal and had a corrosponding Apple
Watch app that would allow me to dictate what I wanted entered
into journal entry. This allowed me to easily journal anytime
and anywhere.
Muse
(MEDITATION) This app and corrosponding hardware headband
allowd me to work on my mindfulness mediation skills.
Pillow
(SLEEP TRACKING) This app and corrosponding Apple Watch app are
used to track my sleep.
Contact
Interested in what I can offer, get in touch with me!
email: rob@leathen.ca
cell: 416-407-7334
